I guess I'm better now | Recovering from the Break Up

I don't know why, but I guess I'm feeling better now. Maybe not 100% okay, but...better.

After letting the events go over and over again in my head and believing the anxious thoughts would never end, I could now just say that it's all in the past. There's still a bit of bitterness(well, maybe not just a bit, haha). But what the hell. ^_^

A lot of things helped along the way. For one, my friends. My parents who were always there. For another, the Bible. Although I still don't believe that the Bible is 'literally' the word of God, it's got wisdom in it if you figure out how to filter it thru. I also read other books. They're not really on the topic of getting over break-ups, or some such, but they've painted a positive impression on my mind. Some of these books are The Secret, and How to Win Friends and Influence People.

So that's it, I guess I'd say that I fell in a very deep spot, and I don't know if it could have gone worse. So the only way is up! And right now, I can pretty much see some hope on top of this hole I fell into.

Waiting...

Still waiting for the catharsis... The abereaction...

When will it come?

Thank You

Thank you, to someone who let her presence be felt when I was really down.

When she knew about how depressed I was, she would give me one or two miscalls a day. A simple thing, but it let me know that someone thought of me even for a while. It made me feel less gloomy.

Thank you.

The Type of Relationship we had

When you ask, I will be there for you
Perhaps that was the greatest mistake in our relationship
because I never could refuse.
When it was my turn to ask... Because I needed you with me.
You would not come...
Excuses...
Reasons...
More important things... than me.
Even now, nothing has changed.

How do I feel right now?

I'm in anxiety... somehow, the alcohol isn't helping as it used to.
The hate I feel for her? It's like, if it were the voice of someone speaking, then it's over a hill... Distant.
But I'm in anxiety...

It feels like I'm losing my breath... Like a physical weight is on my chest... A weight that is light, yet a nuisance.

Yet I'm afraid... That it isn't just anxiety.

But I'll be all right. That's the way things usually turn out.

I'll be all right.

Breakups and Romance

Just got out from a fucking relationship
Holding on, barely now
Emotions...I'm fine, I'm not, I'm shattered.
I feel a chill on my skin crawl up my spine
Disappearing,
not a trace,
then just a hint.
I want to lie down. I want to run.
I want to scream
to the world
the insignificance of my pain.