Hurting the People We Love

It's hard, when you hurt the people that you love. It's painful to imagine that she is crying, much more so because you know that it's because of you.

Stranger

I met this girl... It's the first time I met her, though I've heard her name mentioned before. Other than her name, I knew nothing about her.

But when I met her in a seminar, I found my eyes wandering in her direction. I guess, she's just my type. I can't explain it fully, but it's something in her aura, in the way she moves.

Other than that, I don't really know her that much to take things seriously. I haven't even really talked to her except for some casual greetings.

Infatuation? Maybe.

This chance meeting reminded me of the song Stranger, by Secondhand Serenade.

"Stranger"

Turn Around
Turn Around and fix your eye in my direction
So there is a connection
I can't speak
I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention
I'm staring at perfection
Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight
I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

I'm confident
But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you
I knew you could see right through me
I saw my life flash right before my very eyes
And I knew just what we'd turn into
I was hopeing that you could see
Take a look at me so you can see

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight
I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

Take a look at me so you can see
How beautiful you are
[x4]

Your beauty seems so far away
I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are

I know that I can't make you stay
But I would give my final breathe to make you understand how beautiful you are
Understand how beautiful you are

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight
I'm broke and abandoned
You are an angel
Making all my dreams come true tonight

You call me a stranger
You say I'm a danger
You call me a stranger

A beautiful song for a beautiful girl.

Now that I think about it, I'm reminded of a beautiful girl... Someone I hold very dear. She's not a stranger to me, but some of the best lines on this song, I'd sing for her. So enough about th

Thinking too much

I have this habit of falling in love... and thinking too much of that person. Argh... Right now, I'm trying to really hide it but it just shows... and... I don't want it to show. I don't even want her to know. That's kind of contradictory... Loving someone, yet not wanting them to know.

Maybe it's just me... Maybe I'm imagining things to be something they aren't.

I'm gonna clear my head for a bit... A few days, away from that person. Right now, I don't really know why... But I just want to clear my head.

I think too much

I think... That the guy you love is really really lucky. I would die for those sweet songs that you write... Well, maybe not really die literally. But... That would really be a big thing, to be loved by you.

And I think too much about you... So forgive me if I need some time to clear my head a bit. Not that you'll probably notice or care in the romantic sense.

Ahh, but I'm already so greatful for knowing you... And spending time with you. And, it's really fun... And it's really nice to be with you.

I think too much. I rant too much. I say "I" too many times that I find myself quite selfish.

So let's shift the perspective a bit...

Right now, what are you thinking about? Are you still awake? How are you feeling? You, you, you, you... There, that balances things abit.

Just another brainstorm article to have something to do while waiting for School Rumble episode 4 of Season 2 to finish. Maybe I can come up with a good song composition from these random rants. That's what lonely romance can be good for--writing songs.

Love and Distance

What is this? The more you love, the more you look up to that person, the more distant you feel... The less you come to believe that you deserve to be with that person...

To be filled with love... and yet to be filled with sadness.

But that holds true only for a moment... Then you believe again despite your thoughts. In your wish to be with that person, you're willing to put up with the torment that your own mind is doing to you. You make yourself the exception to your own twisted logic.

Your definition of love... Is twisted. Tainted by the world. Your soul, even to your own eyes, is unclean.

You are me.

Engulfed in Happiness

I feel really happy right now... I had a long talk with a person, and it felt really good.

How lucky I am to have met that person... I mean, what are the chances right? I could have been born in a different world, in a different time, in a different place. But here I am, born in the same world as hers.

I just can't help but smile... Thinking about her.

Never Cheat on the Person Who Loves You

Never ever cheat on the girl who loves you... That person is one of your greatest treasures in this world. Whether you don't believe it, or you do, never cheat on that person.

That is a rule. It's something that must never be broken. It's a cycle that should never begin.

You feel unsatisfied... Heartbroken... Unloved... You feel there's someone better for you... You feel there's something lacking... Something wrong... Or maybe everybody else is doing it, so you think it's fine. But never cheat on her. Not for any reason... Not for any excuse.

That is a rule. It's something that must never be broken. It's a cycle that should never begin.

Romance is in the air, next chapter!

New adventures and dangerous perils await as a new chapter opens in the life of our hero, the Blue Hat Beru. In this next chapter, Beru wields his pen-dagger against the evil demon of No-Hope, Doubt-Me-Doubt-Me, and That's-Impossible! He staggers at the taunts and invisible jabs, yet valiantly Beru hacks back with a tenacity that speaks well of the Blue Hat way. I will not give up, his eyes say.

A dove flies in haste to deliver the letter that holds another letter. Pink rose petals scatter and spin in the air to the tune of a song* that was never played on the radio. The piano is played by someone who misses the right keys, yet the tune somehow rings true in the emptiness of night's air.

A smile...

...maybe Helen is not just a legend.

Love... It's a battlefield of emotions, where reason is no reason, and where logic can be your worst enemy.

______________________
*She's Divine (piano version)

Writing Songs Again

I'm writing songs again... But for a different person. This time, the songs have a happy mood. Hope I can share some of them here on this blog soon.

This is bad, I'm in love

This is bad...I'm in love. Not that I shouldn't be... haha. How troublesome. ^_^

So In Love With You

There's this one song that's been playing in my head over and again lately. It goes...

"...well I'm a wreck, I really can't explain it but I...I hear the music when I look at you. Orchestrating this song to accomodate the movie moment, so in love with you...

...lights, camera, action, I think I'm going for it this time. There something you should listen to, can I take you for a car ride? This is the soundtrack for our movie! Can you tell when we get to the best part, I'll play for you, Oh no I think I lost his one...

Can we try again...

...well I'm a wreck, I really can't explain it but I...I hear the music when I look at you. Orchestrating this song to accomodate the movie moment, so in love with you..."

Anyway, this is a song by Mae.. And well, it keeps playing in my head because I think I'm in love again. How troublesome...haha.

Yosh, discipline, gotta do more important stuff first than mooning over someone. But really, sometimes I can't help it. lolz.

I guess I'm better now | Recovering from the Break Up

I don't know why, but I guess I'm feeling better now. Maybe not 100% okay, but...better.

After letting the events go over and over again in my head and believing the anxious thoughts would never end, I could now just say that it's all in the past. There's still a bit of bitterness(well, maybe not just a bit, haha). But what the hell. ^_^

A lot of things helped along the way. For one, my friends. My parents who were always there. For another, the Bible. Although I still don't believe that the Bible is 'literally' the word of God, it's got wisdom in it if you figure out how to filter it thru. I also read other books. They're not really on the topic of getting over break-ups, or some such, but they've painted a positive impression on my mind. Some of these books are The Secret, and How to Win Friends and Influence People.

So that's it, I guess I'd say that I fell in a very deep spot, and I don't know if it could have gone worse. So the only way is up! And right now, I can pretty much see some hope on top of this hole I fell into.

Waiting...

Still waiting for the catharsis... The abereaction...

When will it come?

Thank You

Thank you, to someone who let her presence be felt when I was really down.

When she knew about how depressed I was, she would give me one or two miscalls a day. A simple thing, but it let me know that someone thought of me even for a while. It made me feel less gloomy.

Thank you.

The Type of Relationship we had

When you ask, I will be there for you
Perhaps that was the greatest mistake in our relationship
because I never could refuse.
When it was my turn to ask... Because I needed you with me.
You would not come...
Excuses...
Reasons...
More important things... than me.
Even now, nothing has changed.

How do I feel right now?

I'm in anxiety... somehow, the alcohol isn't helping as it used to.
The hate I feel for her? It's like, if it were the voice of someone speaking, then it's over a hill... Distant.
But I'm in anxiety...

It feels like I'm losing my breath... Like a physical weight is on my chest... A weight that is light, yet a nuisance.

Yet I'm afraid... That it isn't just anxiety.

But I'll be all right. That's the way things usually turn out.

I'll be all right.

Breakups and Romance

Just got out from a fucking relationship
Holding on, barely now
Emotions...I'm fine, I'm not, I'm shattered.
I feel a chill on my skin crawl up my spine
Disappearing,
not a trace,
then just a hint.
I want to lie down. I want to run.
I want to scream
to the world
the insignificance of my pain.